Even Now

A Psalm of Despair

God, how can you do this to me? You bring me to this hell and leave me. When I am supposed to be preparing for the future, I am bogged down in the present.

You led me into deep waters and left me here to drown. I’m sinking and you turn away. I cry out to you, but you act as if you cannot hear me. O Lord, save me from this hell. I’m being pulled under. Why am I under your wrath? Why do you turn from me? God, I need you and you’re too far away. Fear is eating me alive. I want so desperately to succumb to it. I don’t understand. I am lost and utterly alone.

God, where are you?

“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:5

-April 28, 2008

 

I love the Psalms, because they are so real. David expresses his joy, his frustration, his anger—and his devotion to God. I wrote my “psalm” when I thought I was at my breaking point. After pouring my thoughts out to God, I was reading the Psalms and came to Psalm 13.

            “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, “I have overcome him, and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”

What I love about this Psalm, is that David is so frustrated with God and confused. But ultimately, he trusts and worships the God who saves him. He doesn’t see the resolution to his problems, but he has faith.

 

 

Over the summer, my sister introduced me to the song “Even Now” by Foolish Things.

“Trouble came, broke your door. Crushed your name, robbed you poor.

You feel He’s gone, or fast asleep. All’s gone wrong, you’re in too deep.

 

He hasn’t left you out to dry

Even now

You haven’t left his watching eye

Even now

So children sing it when you don’t see how

My Father’s worthy of my hope

Even now

 

The feeling’s gone. You’re wondering, if you heard Him wrong, if he’s listening.

The same old fear. The same old haze. Is God not here? Is His hand raised?

Could this be part of any good plan?

Seems to be you’ve fallen out of his hand

 

When you’re broken don’t know how to mend

Even now

When your tunnel’s still dark at the end

Even now

His children don’t know why but trust their Father’s at their side

So hold His hand, hold up your hope

Even now”

Why?

My Commencement Speech

President Kemper, Dean Sweet, Distinguished Board Members, Administrators, Faculty and Staff, 2008 Graduates, Parents and Family of Graduates, Friends and Students of the college,

Thank you for giving me the honor of speaking at this ceremony.

I’ve been at Grace for a few years now. I have developed some amazing friendships during my time at Grace. I’ve had friends who have come and gone—and come back again. Some of my friends were able to graduate after a mere 4 years of college. Others, like myself, are working on this whole “super senior” title. I figure, it can’t be too bad, it kind of makes me sound like a superhero, and superheroes are pretty cool.

The experiences I’ve had at Grace Bible College are ones that will stick with me for the rest of my life. I still remember my freshman year trying to explain to people that we hadn’t had any snow days—but we had, in fact, had two squirrel days. To those of you still unsure of what this means, on two separate occasions, a squirrel decided to jump into our generator and kill the electricity on the whole campus, thus cancelling school. Then there was the time when one of my friends fell into a random sinkhole that appeared in the middle of the quad. There were trips to the tire swing and late night runs to Taco Bell. Studying for Bible tests during lunch and hanging out at a Blue Stage on Friday night.

I learned a lot through my classes too. I will never in my life forget how to write a paper in MLA format. I know how to label all kinds of crazy chords, and even how to write a song using the 12 tone method. I will never forget Vygotsky or how to write a Madeline Hunter lesson plan.

It was through Grace that I had the opportunity to go to Israel and eventually Costa Rica. These trips helped me to realize the importance of not just believing in Christ, but truly living every moment of my life for him.

In the passage of scripture that was just read, Jesus says, “You are the light of the world…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Jesus says that WE are the light of the world. We are not to hide this light and be ashamed. But rather, in this broken, depraved, dark world, we are to let our light shine for the whole world to see. Paul says that we are to “live as children of light” (Eph. 5:8).

Now, that being said, I don’t recommend that you put on your Sunday best and go tell random people that you’re part of the “children of light” and you want them to shine with you. That has just a little bit of a cultish feel to it.

But I also caution you. Do not dim your light in fear of offending someone. Do not water down your message. In a world that is so unwilling to state its belief in absolute truths, do not forget that your life, your light, should be a proclamation of the one and only true God, who sent his son to a cross to die for our sins, so that whoever believes in him, shall not die but have eternal life. That’s what our light must say. Philippians 2:15 urges us to “become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which [we] shine like stars in the universe.”

            That doesn’t mean it’s easy. This last semester of school, my student teaching, was the hardest semester I’ve ever had. I was angry with God for the situations he had placed me in. I questioned God and his plan for my life. I wrestled with feelings of failure night after night. Through this time, there was part of a song by Aaron Shust that continuously came back to me. “All of my plans, all of my dreams, I lay then down before your feet. All of my time, all that was mine, I now submit to your design.” This has become the theme song of my life. I trust that even when it was hard, when I felt a total lack of purpose, if my light made an impact on even one child, then that is why God placed me there. I still have tons to learn. God is revealing more of his design to me daily. And I am daily learning how to be that light that I was called to be.

            Fellow graduates, as we enter this next stage of our lives, ask yourself if you are shining like stars in the universe. Are you living a blameless and pure life? Are you submitting to Christ’s design for you? He knows what he’s doing with our lives—which is a good thing, cause I sure don’t. When you are discouraged, confused, and broken, trust in him. Lean on him.

When I was in high school, we used to end every youth group with a song we called the benediction. The words seem fitting. “My friends, may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior. My friends, may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ.

To God be the glory, now and forever! Amen.”

-Ryanne van der Maas, Grace Bible College, 2008 Commencement

National Sinkhole Awareness Day

I hereby declare Wednesday, March 26, 2008 to be National Sinkhole Awareness Day. (A privilege granted to me by the fact that March 26 is Make Your Own Holiday Day). On National Sinkhole Awareness Day, I ask you to take some time to think about the reality that there are sinkholes in this world (especially in Wyoming, Michigan), and they are dangerous. Do not remain ignorant to sinkholes!

My very first post

I decided that my first post should be something pretty amazing. So I am going to write about this amazing story that I discovered earlier.

   Apparently, during this tsunami, a baby hippo got swept away and was all alone–until it met this tortoise. The tortoise apparently has adopted this hippo and now they are the best of friends. The hippo is named Owen and the tortoise is Mzee. (I totally think they should remake Milo and Otis using this story). Anyway, I think that this had to be one of the greatest stories ever. And its totally true.