Even Now

A Psalm of Despair

God, how can you do this to me? You bring me to this hell and leave me. When I am supposed to be preparing for the future, I am bogged down in the present.

You led me into deep waters and left me here to drown. I’m sinking and you turn away. I cry out to you, but you act as if you cannot hear me. O Lord, save me from this hell. I’m being pulled under. Why am I under your wrath? Why do you turn from me? God, I need you and you’re too far away. Fear is eating me alive. I want so desperately to succumb to it. I don’t understand. I am lost and utterly alone.

God, where are you?

“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:5

-April 28, 2008

 

I love the Psalms, because they are so real. David expresses his joy, his frustration, his anger—and his devotion to God. I wrote my “psalm” when I thought I was at my breaking point. After pouring my thoughts out to God, I was reading the Psalms and came to Psalm 13.

            “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, “I have overcome him, and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”

What I love about this Psalm, is that David is so frustrated with God and confused. But ultimately, he trusts and worships the God who saves him. He doesn’t see the resolution to his problems, but he has faith.

 

 

Over the summer, my sister introduced me to the song “Even Now” by Foolish Things.

“Trouble came, broke your door. Crushed your name, robbed you poor.

You feel He’s gone, or fast asleep. All’s gone wrong, you’re in too deep.

 

He hasn’t left you out to dry

Even now

You haven’t left his watching eye

Even now

So children sing it when you don’t see how

My Father’s worthy of my hope

Even now

 

The feeling’s gone. You’re wondering, if you heard Him wrong, if he’s listening.

The same old fear. The same old haze. Is God not here? Is His hand raised?

Could this be part of any good plan?

Seems to be you’ve fallen out of his hand

 

When you’re broken don’t know how to mend

Even now

When your tunnel’s still dark at the end

Even now

His children don’t know why but trust their Father’s at their side

So hold His hand, hold up your hope

Even now”